The City

[Found my entry to a creative writing contest at college probably around 6-7 years ago, lot of grammatical mistakes and unnecessary words , but putting it here without any edits to remind me what I could do in 2 hours ]
[As far as I can remember we were shown a picture of man looking down from the rooftops and 4 lines of a poem]

This is Life,Look at the steaming crowds below they look like ants (the ever industrious) from up above here, like they always do.
Life hasn't been affected much here, even when the whole world has seen the greatest war mankind has ever witnessed, my city where I lived through my childhood has remained the same.
No... No......No... its not same. Somethings different, the skyscrapers, they are a bit taller than I used to look at them while trying to wave at the pilot in the aircraft passing by.I would always wave at any aircraft, so that I may catch the pilot's attention, hoping that he would find me cute enough to give me a free ride. That was a child's innocence & I think I was very innocent as a child.

Ya.. I was fascinated by the zooming aircrafts & the blips that are the now extinct airships.
Looking back , I had to get into the sky & fly high because my papa used to always say
"The life of a farmer isn't for you young man, the sky's where you will work.Freedom will all be yours when you fly high in the sky".
My childhood till I went to the city was a very happy one.I still remember helping Pap in our field, and Pap taking my muddy hands into his & cleaning them with water and scolding himself for allowing me to work whenever he saw a scratch or a bruise. I love those days. I loved that life. I loved the countryside. Every countryside is beautiful.
Every countryside is beautiful, yes.. , until it is allowed to exist.
I studied in this city to achieve my dreams. It was in this city I met Jane , it was here that I could start flying .And it was here that I joined the Air-Force. The most important events of my life have taken place, the city is so much part of me. I wouldn't have been what I am if I hadn't come to this city or I wouldn't have been me, if the city didn't exist. How would I feel if the city was wiped out in the war? I would not be able to live with all my family , my friends, property , everything that belonged to my life wiped out. If I can't , then how can they?

I joined the Air-Force, and have enjoyed every bit of it. I still remember the first day I flew solo in the Harvard right into the clouds.I still remember the feeling, - I felt alone by , by myself, without anything similar around me whose sight could pacify me. The territory seemed unknown, unexplored , & unchartered & I was all alone & by myself. And then there as this euphoric sensation of being in control, of being free to explore this unknown space, at that moment I heard Pa's woods "Freedom will all be yours when you fly high in the sky". It was those few seconds, which I believe were my happiest moments, moments that a person can relive every moment of his life & feel satisfied from what life had given him. It was those few seconds, which I believe were my happiest moments, moments that a person can relive every moment of his life & feel satisfied from what life had given him. I t was then , that I realised that I was born to life & it was then that I decided to fly throughout my life come what may, I passed the course with distinction & was inducted into the A-1 Jet Fighters Squadron.
"I had accomplished my dream & I would fly til the end of my life". Those were my thoughts when Gen. Eisenhower pinned the Golden Eagle on my chest.
Till date I have not been able to take off for 5 years.
When I became a Flight Lieutanant, Hitler was going about his own plans. America wasn't at war, & I wasn't worried when our squad was ordered to work on the Bombers until we could cal ourselves experts.
Then, came Dec of 1942, the Japs bombed Pearl Harbour killing 2200 of our men.They couldn't get away with it. Americans wouldn't like anybody to kill one of them & here they had killed 2200 men of ours. The Defense forces were mobilised, we entered the war with vengeance, those killed were men in uniform.
The air in our base was literally hot with anger, they had dragged us into the war when it wasn't necessary and they would be made to pay for their mistakes.

It was after this that the Oppenheimer Project gained priority within the Government. Nobody should be allowed to mess with us, that was the sentence on everyone's lips.
The whole world was watching America, everyone knew that with us putting in our bit, the fascist forces would be surely defeated. It was just a matter of time.
I went about my job with eagerness & commanded the squadron to the Pacific Ocean bases.
The next two years were spent in sorties, I yearned for dog-fights, but there were very few & when they happened, the opponents weren't good.
In the beginning of 1945, a major problem arose, with the Japs turning "Kamikaze" or the "suicide fighters" as they were called in the base.
It was then, that I realised that I was fighting people and not the big aircrafts that my mind had seen in all these years.
They were people who were giving up their lives for the honour of their country. They were giving us a fight when the chips were down, even though they knew that the war was over for them. The Japs respected Honour above anything else, even life.

That period was the most dangerous in our aviation history. What better missiles could we create than those flying deaths which had a human being, keeping his tryst with death, guiding them to hit our planes,. Those were trying times, but I came out alive, even though I lost half of my squadron.
I realised that we had to put an end to this mad flying deaths. But, when the end came, I little expected its consequences.

It was a week before August 1945 that I was relieved of my war duties, and assigned on special duty to the Air Chief Marshal himself. I was dreaming of seeing Jane & the kids then. The war in Europe had ended by then, Germany was defeated, but here the Japs still believed in 'Kamikaze'- their honourable death. I was sent to Base-21. and my briefing started. I was told that the 1st day on this mission was not to ask any questions, or think about the what's & how's even out of curiosity.
Out of the confidence of military discipline, I promised only to break it later. I was given the exact details of my route & the instructions about the things that had to be done when I reached the targeted destination. My plane was the B-2 bomber, which had a big capacity to load conventional weapons. I assumed that I would be part of a big-hunt.
It was only on the morning of 8th August at 2:00 pm, when I asked out of curiosity that I came to know that I was the only Bomber with a couple of Jets involved in the mission. Even then it didn't strike me that it was unusual.
I was a military disciplined officier, & I had learnt not to ask questions when ordered to carry out a mission, however crazy it might be. With the Bomber under my control, I would be the slowest in our group, if we were unfortunate to encounter the 'flying deaths'. That was then that I thought that luck would run out for me today.

I carried out the maneovers to the dot, and was onto the last part, when I had to drop the package, I was surprised that the other jets hadn't fired their weapons yet, maybe they wanted to vanish a secret base into oblivion. I pressed the button, as I took the steep rise I was instructed to take before releasing the package. As I drew level, the cloud cover broke away & I had a glimpse of a city that locked like my own.
Unknown to me, I had dropped the first Atom Bomb.
The Bomb which became immortal.
A poet wrote afterwards
"I am the bomb that dropped on Hiroshima, Nagasaki.
I am Christmas but there won't be any New Year.
I am The Great Mushroom Cloud that sitting Bull had a vision of.
I am everybody's face who dreaded what they already knew".

Yes, I do dread the moment I pressed the button that vanished a city & killed millions of its inhabitants. I have been torn into pieces by the guilt, which doesn't diminish after all these years, & which can't be appeased even with my death. But, I didn't what I was doing, if I knew I would have declined & this would never have happened or would it still. They would have made some others to do it. But , now the guilt is mine & I have lived with it for 5 years & I can live with it through my life. I am going to Hiroshima, to ask for forgiveness, that is the only thing I can do to reduce the burden of my guilt. I have to live.
Yes, I have to do ....... What was that?

Janitor: Sir, the door is to be locked for the night. Are you alright, you seemed to be in a trance?
I: Okay, I hadn't realised it was night.
Janitor: It's 10. Goodnight. Hope you had a good day.
How could the poor man know that I had climbed the stairs never to go down again. I had come to watch the city and end my life. The city that had given me so much and today it had given me, my life back.