Point of Inflection

There comes a time in life where you need to define yourself, what you are , what you want to be , what you stand for. It's oft repeated that you should always have a goal in life, short -term or long -term doesn't matter , just something you can focus on and keep working towards. But life as they say is not that simple is it? As the term here comes to and end I am onto these thoughts, not really worried about the placement scenario but about what I would like to achieve with this life of mine.
26 years have passed by with countless memories and experiences on both sides of the fence.
But somehow there is a tingling sensation that I can live a better life, with better people and better experiences and all of this would culminate in me contributing better to the society and to myself.

Insider - Outsider ??

I cannot explain it, but it really hurts when people I believe I know, do deeds that .. lets say I would bury myself for doing them. Felt that way when a friend of mine tried to shamelessly use his religion to garner a few stupid votes a few years ago and then last week a guy I expected to have some common sense nonchalant puts a post bashing a public figure(PB) because his actions apparently hurt his sentiments. Go on buddy share your emotions with a few thousand more people if it helps to alleviate the pain you feel, I am all for it. But then I do not understand how the PB's action should cause such an impact on you, you are not a stakeholder in the entity, I am flabbergasted at the outburst to say the least.

I do not wish to specifically discuss the PB or the entity because what concerns me is that the
emotions shown arise from a sense of ownership of the PB and his entity and I believe it is a very unhealthy connection to have especially when there is apparently nothing connecting you both.

For those not in the loop , the situation is about a giant of a company deciding to set up its new operational center outside of the state where its headquartered. The grouse of the individual is that the action reeks of being a traitor to a state which favored the company.I have generalized it because this is a situation oft repeated and more importantly is the need to address the emotions shown by the individual which I believe is similarly exhibited by millions across the country and probably through out the world.

My argument is this the PB has not been elected by you to care for your welfare or your emotions and has all the rights to run the business as he/she seems fit as far as it doesn't break any laws or endanger in any way human life. I do not understand where this sense of ownership and betrayal comes from. If citizens feel betrayed it should be with its elected leaders as they wield the tools for getting investments to their constituencies and they hold the responsibility to do that in the best way possible. Remember Singur, Posco and there are surely a few more examples to illustrate that its the political leaders who let down its citizens.

But the bigger problem in all this is the sense of considering someone an Outsider. This I believe is like cancer which has the potential to get malignant given the right conditions. This is the point that has oft been used through out our history by Kings, Dictators to get the majority of its citizens support them against the monsters that the minorities always are.

Day 0- Qatar Transit

Tired and weary, yet full of enthusiasm to explore the new country I and BIL (Bro-in-law) went out on the pretext of getting some currency exchanged. As we went out the difference between the conditioned air inside and the dry hot air outside made us feel as if we had just stepped into an oven. We later found out it was just 36 degrees. Anyways we made our way to the city center mall which was about three blocks away and as we walked past the buildings few things struck me.

1.) None of the architects in Qatar were ever taught about straight lines. Case in point none of the buildings we saw had any straight lines to it. Finding something that resembled a rectangle would be like, you know the haystack….

2. ) Highly automated traffic systems all around and with the density so sparse in the city both the pedestrians and the drivers have a good time, the traffic rules depend on give-ways as the signals have been minimized to the maximum extent.

3.) Qatar seems to have woken up from a deep slumber having spent millions if not billions in getting the world interested in it. The FIFA world cup 2022 will be held here.

4.) Doha shows the modern face to the world with women allowed to show their faces in public and seek employment outside their homes. Saw them working in the immigration check and then the parking attendants but did not see them anywhere else.

5.) Doha has embraced people from all over the world and I could see people from India, China, Africa, UK, USA, Japan and other parts of Europe all in one day , proof enough I guess. Did I mention the to and fro drivers between the airport and hotel were Indians?

6.) The expatriates run the city …. Almost. That’s what the lines outside a foreign exchange cum remittances’ center indicated.

7.) Hub for all the MNC to market their goods which was evident on the roads with cars of Japanese, European and American make zipping past and the products seen in City Centre mall and Carrefour.

8.) There is not much in terms of sight-seeing in the city except for the Islamic museum and an arts center. But it has a Promenade to die for, amazingly clean and you can find people jogging, walking at any time of the day. The city is getting ready for a world class Art Museum and that I believe is going to be real mean.

9.)The Doha Airport is meant just for the state airlines Qatar Airways or so it seems didn't see any other carrier on the tarmac.

10.) It does have an old market or a market in the format of yore where the most sold products are chocolates, spices and pets.

What I enjoyed most was the hotel where we stayed Movenpick, going by its name at first impression it I guessed it would be some kind of a motel with the name “ Move’n’Pick” . But the stay was so good, it was probably the best place I stayed on the trip. Truly global was its cuisine spanning Indian, Italian, American, Mexican, Thai and Cheesssseee J. I must have tried about 40 different dishes that day and I am a vegetarian.:)

Just liked it:)

Found this on someone arbit's profile and liked it for its apt description. Whoever you are I empathize:)

Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable.It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life .... You give them a piece of you.

They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like maybe we should just be friends or how very perceptive turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination; not just in the mind, it's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

I hate love

Richard Branson: Losing my Virginty

It was like eons ago that Kuldeep had suggested me to read this book, but somehow I never read it for years and then finally found the time to sit back , put up my legs and enjoy a good ride through Richard's life. The title might put off people, but its just that a title to grab your attention and have high recall and as the author himself says he always whats to be a bit cheeky when it comes to giving names;)

The journey begins rather just a decade ago with a balloon trip, and attempt to fly across the world that I and probably others will also faintly recall. The in-depth detail, imminent dangers and just trying to relive the journey hooked me on to the book. It isn't surprising that the author knows how to get you hooked on is it;). I believe this is what separates what Virgin has always done and still does today. It has its own personality, driven by its founder, of fun, cheekiness a bit rebellious but all in control. No challenge is too hard and there is always an itch to be different and deliver different products/services.

Quite surprising to know that Richard was dyslexic and isn't really a connoisseur of music , but was someone who saw an opportunity and just went ahead with it. I believe the lesson to be driven home is it be committed to one's idea and put it in the best work possible, seems an often heard cliche' but then you have such an inspiring example to substantiate.

One of the few mistakes to learn from, never try to take a short cut to success , however short and however risk less it may seem. No blots any where please.

There are very good reasons why reading the book now actually makes sense to me rather than during graduation.
It probably helps in understanding the difficulty in deciding to sell off something you have created and grown for decades in this case Virgin Music and after all that have the guts and gumption to start of and make head way in an altogether diverse industry- The Virgin Airlines.

What probably is not talked about much in the book but clearly stands out is the power of the Virgin brand. Reading this book would at-least make budding entrepreneurs think twice before naming their ventures cause after the brand is built and you wish to diverse utilizing its brand power, it might just be too late:)

Looking at the personality of the protagonist , he is someone who keeps challenging himself , a first rate jugadu inssan who always believes that nothing is beyond his reach and instead of the arrogance that most people display with that belief, he actually accepts plurality and has a clear openness to all sorts of people and solutions.

Things to take away from the book:
1.) Start off on your idea, start small and stay put no matter what.
2.) No shortcuts however tempting it might be.
3.) Enjoy and Explore life.
4.) Keep challenging yourself.
5.) If there is a system it can always be bettered.
6.) Blue Ocean baby!!

The Immortals of Meluha

I had read a lot about this book, great publicity and when I saw it on the bestsellers list had to check it out . Glad I did because I had a jolly good time reading it.

The book aims to be human version of the Shiva story, pegging the lord himself to be just another human with a twist that his karma makes him into a Lord worth worshiping. Whether this attempt had to made is a question I leave to the serious theists, I for one welcome the attempt for the purely creative exercise it requires. The most challenging tasks would have been to connect the personalities and events as stated by the scriptures and fit it into the current setting. What I enjoyed most was trying to figure out the inspirations the author used make the book come alive.

So then, at the start we have the tribal leader Shiva fighting off enemies from encroaching onto the Manasarovar Lake and from there the journey to uncovering the truth about his destiny is a fascinating story. There is the Harry Potter-esque self-fulfilling prophecy which is the crux of the book, the humanization of Shiva has been handled very carefully with the friendly jibes, the pain of inaction, the meandering self-doubts as well as the rash decisions made when the emotions run high. The caste system has been debated and book proposes the ideal system our generation would agree to, in theory. Then there is the age old saga of good versus evil with the twist of recognizing who is evil and who is good cause its always the winner who writes history.

The writing overall is amateurish , given the fact that its the author's first book it still delivers.Just maybe the oft repeated good vs. evil could have been toned down.
What impressed me was the finer details of the journey , the security and the battle plans that were provided ,this not only shows the effort but also gathers the readers involvement.
On the authenticity part, I gave up judging it when I was still half way through, especially when modern day hindi is used liberally given the fact that the story is set in 1900 B.C and even the jokes used are from 21st century A.D:). The book bases itself on the fact that everybody is god and delivers that message to a certain extent.The ending though in suspended animation which would be fit for a TV episode, but has been applied to a book just leaves me cursing the author:)

All in all an awesome book to chill out with this summer. (if you do not take the mash-up of mythology seriously:))

Ratings:4/5
Genre: Indian Fiction

Memory lanes, Monkey Thieves & Back to Bangy

Been sometime since I was last here, lot of stuff happened in the past 3 months, but at the end of the semester I could hardly recall if I was actually involved in any of the stuff I did, actually seems like I have been watching a silent movie for the last 3- months. What's the story ? , have to borrow a nice device from my friend(forgive me , if its violation of IPR) to keep it short.

Another start- normal days - summer prep - Mock GD's - Mock Interviews - me dumb as a Dodo -Resume - Suits and Photographs - FootPrints has some "Breaking News"( Chronolgy doesn't makesense in this world any more) - The Indore Marathon (85th over 12km)- the prep room -long waits -anxious looks -TimePass (FIFA-CS and some books too)- why marketing? - vampires -angels - J&J - more timepass (HSBC, Sony, Cummins & Essar) - a smile, a wave - It's the Tom and Jerry Show again.

(MIS mein CP - Group mein Quality checks(26 font size!) - the classes start again - Utsaha mein pumps- Aamir ki shakti - Mid-sems Raam ke naam )

MIS 's CP - Group 's Quality checks(26 font size!) - the classes start again - Utsaha pumps- Aamir 's Shakti - Mid-sems, Raam ke naam - Was 'that' my blunder - as always 'God Only Knows'+2 - dark and despair - did Ahvan do some repair?- fun and games with the quizzes that ended with some nips- Football mundial with Kratos -curse the guy who blasted my shin - in between there were some online quizzes with Bothra , who now owns Bothra and Sons:) - FIFA fever takes over - there was our Mime at SBM - Over-acting , over -dramatizing, talented section aren't we now:) - cant forget the hordes of quizzes and assignments, but I did want to forget them - Open Books ('The Reason' why I might flunk some... , if others allow me to;)) - term ends -seems so soon - never said goodbye , here's some from Miley Cyrus

"....The one thing you wish I'd forget
Is saying goodbye, saying goodbye
Ooh, goodbye"

Now that was the last term , had a stop over in Mumbai on the way back and had to go past the campus , had lunch with batchmates good ole' Laxmi (though renovated) , brought back memories in a flood ,seems like if you hang around HN for some time and you sure will bump into a batchmate:).

Was watching a NatGeo episode on Monkey Thieves today - It was about the Maccaw groups in Jaipur and their group behaviour (yeah, I can find OB in anything!! ) - Let out a laugh when the narrator said- " ... and the solitary male sometimes hangs around the edges of the territory trying to find a friend from the group who could help him get in and find approval of the alpha-male ..... " my Mom actually was alarmed enough with the sudden burst to ask me "what happened?:)"

Am back in bangy , after what seems an eternity , have been to the usual suspects places already , and back in my room , it feels so comfy that it makes me want to be damn lazy once again:), surely as I was talking with the ToFN guy, a life with masti and to do just as you wish would be one as an IT manager in Bangy. Will hop around the city teh next few days and keeping my fingers crossed for another Nandi Hills Ride, will probably make a couple of posts before the year ends, ciao.

It's true!! ,It's true!!

Seems the idea of illogical boosters actually works for others as well, hmm... I actually hit upon a research finding on my own ;)

Mind over matter (an excerpt)

We’ve all heard the old adage about running being 90% mental. Turns out it might be true, and scientifically proven to boot. Tim Noakes, M.D., author of Lore of Running, has long argued that it is the brain that allows or limits endurance performance rather than the body.

Noakes says that the brain holds us back from pushing past a certain point. “There’s a control mechanism to make sure that you reach the finish line not in a completely, utterly wilted state,” he claims. “You always have a little reserve.” Or as some would interpret this, you can always push a little harder.

Confusing Mental Fatigue and Physical Fatigue
Consider the following scenario. You’ve had a long, hard day. Your kids are nagging you, your boss is riding you, and there’s a sink full of dirty dishes and a mile-high pile of bills waiting for you at home. Managing to get in a run, much less a track workout or tempo session, seems like a monumental task.

Researchers at Bangor University in the UK set out to examine why it is that mental fatigue can lead to the perception of physical fatigue during exercise. Dr. Samuele M. Marcora and colleagues compared two groups. While both groups were to complete a high-intensity cycling exercise, one group was given a challenging, but sedentary, 90-minute computer test beforehand. The other watched “emotionally neutral documentaries” for 90 minutes.

While physiological responses to the exercise did not differ between the two groups, the perception of physical effort was much higher in the mentally fatigued group (the ones who did the computer test). The perception of physical fatigue translated into those participants reaching their maximal level of perceived exertion, and thus giving up, much sooner.


Tricking the Mind to Allow More from the Body
This sort of research tells us that the brain is the boss. It orders the body what to do and what not to do. A study out of the University of Birmingham, England, demonstrated that it is possible to, in a sense, fool the mind into allowing the body to work harder.

These researchers showed that cyclists who swished a carbohydrate drink containing either glucose or maltodextrin disguised with an artificial sweetener during a workout were able to ride harder and longer than those who swished water disguised with an artificial sweetener. This was despite the fact that none of the participants actually swallowed either of the liquids, nor did they know if they were swishing the carbohydrate solution or plain water. In addition, the two groups rated the level of difficulty to be the same, even though the carbohydrate drink group worked harder.

A functional MRI demonstrated that certain areas of the brain lit up when the carbohydrate drink was swished, those areas being connected to emotion, motivation, and reward. It was as if the carbohydrate-sensitive receptors in the mouth communicated with the brain, which then sent a signal to the body to tell it that it would be getting more calories and thus could work harder, regardless of the fact that no calories were actually consumed. This demonstrated that it is possible to trick the brain to allow the body to go further and faster.


Brain Training
We often assume that a decrease in performance is the result of physical fatigue—that less oxygen reaches the muscles, lactic acid builds up, and our legs tire. This doesn’t, however, explain instances when you feel you have nothing left, but then manage a surge on the backstretch or rally in the last mile of a marathon. If your muscles were truly shot, that last push would be impossible.

What it comes down to is training, or tricking, the brain to allow the body to go harder. The brain can be taught to give the body more leeway by incrementally pushing past that perceived maximal level of exertion in training. The same way you train your body, you must also train your mind. Noakes suggests, “If you want to be competitive, you have to learn how to deal with the discomfort. A lot of the heavy, good physical training is about training the brain to cope with discomfort.”



Running Priorities
Since we don’t all have the luxury to be able to devote our entire lives to our training the way many of the pros do, we must find ways around the stresses of everyday life. This means making running a priority. Noakes asks, “What are you going to give up? You can’t just keep adding. The brain doesn’t have infinite reserves.”

Bob Kempainen, who ran the 1992 and 1996 Olympic marathons, has a reputation for being one of the most mentally tough runners of our time. By decompressing his rigorous medical school program to six years instead of four, Kempainen was able to simultaneously train for both Olympics and complete medical school.

He explains, however, that other aspects of his life were put on the back burner: “You have to put up with going out to train when you’re tired or when you’ve got things pulling you in different directions, whether it’s social opportunities or passing on a promotion because it would be more work hours. There’s always something that you have to give up. You have to be pretty committed to the sport.”


Getting into the Routine
Once you’ve moved your training up to the top of the priority list, making it a part of your daily routine can help combat unmotivating messages the brain throws at you. Chris Raabe, winner of the 2009 Grandma’s Marathon and a religious 150-mile-a-week runner, knows this well. On top of that heavy mileage, he is also a full-time patent examiner for the Patent Office in Washington D.C.

He explains, “If training is a focus that you have, it’s important to eliminate the distractions as much as possible and make sure that your training is a part of your routine. If you ask me what I’m going to be doing at 5 a.m. on a Wednesday two months from now, I can tell you I’m going to be going out for a run. It’s something that I’ve decided I am doing at this time.”

It is this unquestioning devotion that runners such as Raabe display that seems to be the key to living the double life as a competitive runner and a mere mortal.

Sheri Piers echoes these sentiments. Piers, 38. is a full-time superwoman, juggling a career as a nurse practitioner, coaching a high school boys cross country team, and tending to her five children, not to mention running upwards of 120 miles a week. The 11th place finisher (2:37.04) in April’s Boston Marathon shows that it is possible to talk the brain into letting the body go further and faster even when the brain waves the white flag.


Practice Makes Perfect
Indeed, no one effortlessly falls into this type of schedule without a little practice, but it does seem to get easier with time. Raabe suggests, “The more you are exposed to a stress, the lower your response is to that stress.”

Noakes adds that when you willfully subject yourself to stress, such as training and working every day, “you become better able to cope with all the stresses in your life.” He adds, “Training increases your self-belief and your confidence in what you can do.”

With practice, you become more convinced of your ability to handle mental stress. Piers explains matter-of-factly, “if you believe you can do it, you just do it.”

Flu , toes and adrenaline

A shocker of a news http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/news/city/ahmedabad/IIM-A-student-dies-health-officials-suspect-swine-flu/articleshow/5067805.cms,
one of the lucky few who was moving forward towards a bright future on full ballast, as always fate remains cruel.
Indore itself is said to enveloped with the common flu and its effect is evident in the class as well, I can only pray not to get it.

My toes are stamped and have a skin tear on my left foot, guess that's the prize of spontaneous participation in a football practice, went in barefooted against studs.

Oh! the adrenaline , an awesome hormone which pushes you into unbelievable zones of activity.Have seen its power for the last month or so , but being constantly driven by it, isn't good news.Probably , with the possiblity of me falling sick , my body shut down its production or probably ran out of raw materials;), anyways I am running on normal carbon-diet and hopefully will not depend on the awesome-a for some time to come. Trying to tighten up my routine , but years of inertia are difficult to overcome, anyways I am King Bruce for now and I believe my random thoughts are geting expressed freely now:)

Nice Run after Sunset

Today was a day without any work to do. So , went on a longer run , probably about 5 kms. The cool breeze all along the way made it a comfortable exercise and I was happy to double up on the previous distance in two days , so 12 kms next week seems pretty easily doable , maybe I should set a time limit now. Went ahead to pound some pedals and this time smartly choose an easier mode to finish 5 kms in 16 mins. I am gonna make it a habit to pound some everyday , after all it takes just about 15-16 mins.

And here we go again....

Been ages since I stepped out to pound the road, a few enthu runs at the start of August and a total stop till yesterday. Finally went on a down-up round of the hill , legs felt perfectly alright and no sign of any pain (ITBS) around my left knee region, guess I am good to go :), came back and then went to the gym for workout on the stationary cycle ( can't rem the right term now). I pressed the start button without realising the program it was set to, as per Murphy it was set at the hardest and I had to push my legs hard as if I riding up a hill when I had just about finished running up one. Felt good to be cycling after about 3-4 months , the thighs were still in good shape to push through 5 kms in the next 18 mins, thinking of doing this atleast 2-3 times per week.

Well on the personal front, things have been changing a lot in the last few months, seems like I am on a roller-coaster ride of emotions. Enjoyed most of the last two months on the hill and expect to do a lot more in the coming time:).

Go Dwivedi GO!!!

Amazing acomplishment by one of batchmates, ought to get a first hand account from him.
Hers's The Feat .

Stand up for what is right!

Hi,

Did you know that more than 130 million children in the world have
never got a chance to get any kind of formal education in their life ?
The "Right To Education" for a child is universally accepted as a
clause, but is hardly applied in practice.

CRY has been an organization that has been working for decades now to
ensure that the basic rights of every child get fulfilled. Its an
organization run on a voluntary basis, an organization whom we ought
to support for all the noble deeds that it performs.

I am running the World 10k marathon this Sunday to raise money for CRY
and spread awareness towards this noble cause. But why do I run ? Not
for the Olympic Gold or for a chiselled body, I run to loose weight
and stay fit. I enjoy this activity and at the same time am really
pleased to see that I can help make a change through it.

Please support my run and contribute. Visit
http://www.bangalorecares.in/index.php?option=com_content&view=articl....
The last date set by the organizers is 30th May, so please contribute
by then.
Please do pass on this message to your friends.

Thanks !

Sreevathsava Reddy

For more information on CRY:http://www.cry.org/index.html

The City

[Found my entry to a creative writing contest at college probably around 6-7 years ago, lot of grammatical mistakes and unnecessary words , but putting it here without any edits to remind me what I could do in 2 hours ]
[As far as I can remember we were shown a picture of man looking down from the rooftops and 4 lines of a poem]

This is Life,Look at the steaming crowds below they look like ants (the ever industrious) from up above here, like they always do.
Life hasn't been affected much here, even when the whole world has seen the greatest war mankind has ever witnessed, my city where I lived through my childhood has remained the same.
No... No......No... its not same. Somethings different, the skyscrapers, they are a bit taller than I used to look at them while trying to wave at the pilot in the aircraft passing by.I would always wave at any aircraft, so that I may catch the pilot's attention, hoping that he would find me cute enough to give me a free ride. That was a child's innocence & I think I was very innocent as a child.

Ya.. I was fascinated by the zooming aircrafts & the blips that are the now extinct airships.
Looking back , I had to get into the sky & fly high because my papa used to always say
"The life of a farmer isn't for you young man, the sky's where you will work.Freedom will all be yours when you fly high in the sky".
My childhood till I went to the city was a very happy one.I still remember helping Pap in our field, and Pap taking my muddy hands into his & cleaning them with water and scolding himself for allowing me to work whenever he saw a scratch or a bruise. I love those days. I loved that life. I loved the countryside. Every countryside is beautiful.
Every countryside is beautiful, yes.. , until it is allowed to exist.
I studied in this city to achieve my dreams. It was in this city I met Jane , it was here that I could start flying .And it was here that I joined the Air-Force. The most important events of my life have taken place, the city is so much part of me. I wouldn't have been what I am if I hadn't come to this city or I wouldn't have been me, if the city didn't exist. How would I feel if the city was wiped out in the war? I would not be able to live with all my family , my friends, property , everything that belonged to my life wiped out. If I can't , then how can they?

I joined the Air-Force, and have enjoyed every bit of it. I still remember the first day I flew solo in the Harvard right into the clouds.I still remember the feeling, - I felt alone by , by myself, without anything similar around me whose sight could pacify me. The territory seemed unknown, unexplored , & unchartered & I was all alone & by myself. And then there as this euphoric sensation of being in control, of being free to explore this unknown space, at that moment I heard Pa's woods "Freedom will all be yours when you fly high in the sky". It was those few seconds, which I believe were my happiest moments, moments that a person can relive every moment of his life & feel satisfied from what life had given him. It was those few seconds, which I believe were my happiest moments, moments that a person can relive every moment of his life & feel satisfied from what life had given him. I t was then , that I realised that I was born to life & it was then that I decided to fly throughout my life come what may, I passed the course with distinction & was inducted into the A-1 Jet Fighters Squadron.
"I had accomplished my dream & I would fly til the end of my life". Those were my thoughts when Gen. Eisenhower pinned the Golden Eagle on my chest.
Till date I have not been able to take off for 5 years.
When I became a Flight Lieutanant, Hitler was going about his own plans. America wasn't at war, & I wasn't worried when our squad was ordered to work on the Bombers until we could cal ourselves experts.
Then, came Dec of 1942, the Japs bombed Pearl Harbour killing 2200 of our men.They couldn't get away with it. Americans wouldn't like anybody to kill one of them & here they had killed 2200 men of ours. The Defense forces were mobilised, we entered the war with vengeance, those killed were men in uniform.
The air in our base was literally hot with anger, they had dragged us into the war when it wasn't necessary and they would be made to pay for their mistakes.

It was after this that the Oppenheimer Project gained priority within the Government. Nobody should be allowed to mess with us, that was the sentence on everyone's lips.
The whole world was watching America, everyone knew that with us putting in our bit, the fascist forces would be surely defeated. It was just a matter of time.
I went about my job with eagerness & commanded the squadron to the Pacific Ocean bases.
The next two years were spent in sorties, I yearned for dog-fights, but there were very few & when they happened, the opponents weren't good.
In the beginning of 1945, a major problem arose, with the Japs turning "Kamikaze" or the "suicide fighters" as they were called in the base.
It was then, that I realised that I was fighting people and not the big aircrafts that my mind had seen in all these years.
They were people who were giving up their lives for the honour of their country. They were giving us a fight when the chips were down, even though they knew that the war was over for them. The Japs respected Honour above anything else, even life.

That period was the most dangerous in our aviation history. What better missiles could we create than those flying deaths which had a human being, keeping his tryst with death, guiding them to hit our planes,. Those were trying times, but I came out alive, even though I lost half of my squadron.
I realised that we had to put an end to this mad flying deaths. But, when the end came, I little expected its consequences.

It was a week before August 1945 that I was relieved of my war duties, and assigned on special duty to the Air Chief Marshal himself. I was dreaming of seeing Jane & the kids then. The war in Europe had ended by then, Germany was defeated, but here the Japs still believed in 'Kamikaze'- their honourable death. I was sent to Base-21. and my briefing started. I was told that the 1st day on this mission was not to ask any questions, or think about the what's & how's even out of curiosity.
Out of the confidence of military discipline, I promised only to break it later. I was given the exact details of my route & the instructions about the things that had to be done when I reached the targeted destination. My plane was the B-2 bomber, which had a big capacity to load conventional weapons. I assumed that I would be part of a big-hunt.
It was only on the morning of 8th August at 2:00 pm, when I asked out of curiosity that I came to know that I was the only Bomber with a couple of Jets involved in the mission. Even then it didn't strike me that it was unusual.
I was a military disciplined officier, & I had learnt not to ask questions when ordered to carry out a mission, however crazy it might be. With the Bomber under my control, I would be the slowest in our group, if we were unfortunate to encounter the 'flying deaths'. That was then that I thought that luck would run out for me today.

I carried out the maneovers to the dot, and was onto the last part, when I had to drop the package, I was surprised that the other jets hadn't fired their weapons yet, maybe they wanted to vanish a secret base into oblivion. I pressed the button, as I took the steep rise I was instructed to take before releasing the package. As I drew level, the cloud cover broke away & I had a glimpse of a city that locked like my own.
Unknown to me, I had dropped the first Atom Bomb.
The Bomb which became immortal.
A poet wrote afterwards
"I am the bomb that dropped on Hiroshima, Nagasaki.
I am Christmas but there won't be any New Year.
I am The Great Mushroom Cloud that sitting Bull had a vision of.
I am everybody's face who dreaded what they already knew".

Yes, I do dread the moment I pressed the button that vanished a city & killed millions of its inhabitants. I have been torn into pieces by the guilt, which doesn't diminish after all these years, & which can't be appeased even with my death. But, I didn't what I was doing, if I knew I would have declined & this would never have happened or would it still. They would have made some others to do it. But , now the guilt is mine & I have lived with it for 5 years & I can live with it through my life. I am going to Hiroshima, to ask for forgiveness, that is the only thing I can do to reduce the burden of my guilt. I have to live.
Yes, I have to do ....... What was that?

Janitor: Sir, the door is to be locked for the night. Are you alright, you seemed to be in a trance?
I: Okay, I hadn't realised it was night.
Janitor: It's 10. Goodnight. Hope you had a good day.
How could the poor man know that I had climbed the stairs never to go down again. I had come to watch the city and end my life. The city that had given me so much and today it had given me, my life back.

Nandi Hills Ride

I have stopped thinking about whether I am crazy or not, cause for more than one reason I have to be crazy. And what I did over the weekend just proves it.

It's been a couple of months since I thought of getting a bike. After the usual procrastination taking it's toll, I finally bought one and just about learnt to ride in a couple of sessions. After about riding 70 kms in the basement I was bored , but couldn't muster enough enthusiasm to get on to the road.
I had been promising Ashish that I would be joining soon for the Nandi Ride, in the meanwhile he and Sunil had had done a to and fro ride to BIAL. So ,when he asked me for the ride on the long weekend, I said 'Yes' without giving it a thought.

As always I was ill-prepared for it, having to get my helmet a day before and had a couple of packets of Maggi hoping it would be sufficient to power my ride, how wrong was I!! ,I tried to sleep at 12:30 but I was still awake when my watch read 2:30 and probably after an hour and a half of sleep , woke up at 4:00 and got ready. I was excited at doing something new and was pumped up with adrenaline and so I left my apartment at around 4:45 to the rendezvous point at Columbia Asia Hospital. It was still pretty dark when I started and I rode along the Outer Ring Road planning to ride on it all through to Hebbal, but might be cause of the nerves took a left into Old-Madras road and I didn't realise my mistake until I had to squeeze myself between BMTC buses on CMH road, somehow found my way through MG Road to Mekri Circle and to Columbia Asia where the main party was already waiting for me for an hour or so.It was about 8:00 am and I had covered just about 25-30 kms.

After exchanging pleasantries , we began cycling as a group and Ashish noticed that the tire pressures weren't right , novice that I am I had no inkling of the its effect until I set it right at the next petrol pump ad found the bike moving better with the same effort.The road was wide and traffic was sparse so we rode along in the heat and reached near the base of Nandi Hills by about 12 noon. We were all famished and spent half an hour munching munchies and gulping juices at a shop.I forgot to mention Chirag, Sunil's roommate who had come along to support us on his motor-bike. We had all put our bags onto the bike and he was also carrying extra water , energy bars and also was the camera-man and in the end, proved to be as essential as our legs were, for the trip.

So at about 12:30 we started the 8 kilometer climb up the hill and after about 100 mts I had to get down and start pushing my cycle up, where as the remaining two could still cycle up. I thought it was because I was tired and had no energy left. So, as everyone disappeared from my view I kept trudging up the hill and caught up with them finally when they stopped for rest and water.
It was then that Ashish wanted to find out if it was really tough to ride my bike and we exchanged our bikes for 200 mts and man was his bike light , I could just ride along as if it was the plains whereas Ashish found mine to be too heavy to keep pushing it up. After many more stops and starts and crushing ourselves a bit for deciding to ride up a hill , we had 2.5 kms still to go and it was already 2 pm. I hadn't had a solid morsel of non-junk food over the past 14 hours and my body was crying out for some mercy , Chiraj probably realised the state I was in and generously offered to exchange places with me, when I declined ,he asked me to at least hold onto his bike so he that could tow me up on my bike. I probably am not one to swallow my pride easily and so once again declined and trudged along stubbornly.
Finally we set a target of reaching the top by 3pm and pushed ourselves with our watches and at last reached the top with a couple of minutes to spare.

The hill was crowded with holidayers , but we werent there for sight-seeing. We parked our vehicles and went in search of the Maurya hotel where we spent the next hour and a half feasting on whatever the hotel guys could fetch. We then tried to either get rooms for the night or would have been happy enough if we were allowed to camp out at night, but the former option was not possible as all rooms were booked and we were not allowed permission for the latter.So, we decided to camp out at the base and so decided to ride down. And boy what a ride it was!! ,after all the rest and water breaks and the 3 hour ride up , we needed just 8 mins to get down:).That probably is a good example of irony.

We put up a tent on the opposite side of the road of a dhaba. And then about 7:30 went into the dhaba to have dinner. And surprise surprise they had all kinds of biryani and palao but with one rider no curries!! , how was one to digest dry rice without them?? Pat came the reply 'I will provide ketchup':) . We needed to eat properly for the next day's ride and so set out in search of a curry. After some more work for Chirag ferrying us to another hotel some 6 kms away , we were able to find some peas curry and had probably half-filled our stomachs when the rain gods decided to impress us with their presence. We then rushed back to pack up the tent and get our luggage out to the safety of the dhaba where the owner was kind enough to let us camp there for the night.

The best sleep one can have is when one has spent every ounce of energy in the day and is totally satisfied with one's efforts, the location or the environment doesn't matter a bit and so I had a good 8 hr sleep that night.

We got up at about 6:30-7:00 in the morning and after finishing up with the morning chores, set off to the place where we had our dinner to have some breakfast.After some idli-vada and tea , we started on the return journey.
I expected that it would be tough trying to push back home after the tiresome day we had before, but the breakfast seemed to have done some magic and once I hit a rhythm after just about 10-15 mins and boy!! what a ride it was , I reached the junction with the National Highway in no time and was just sailing past the milestones.We had a break at this point and when we started again it was as if the bike had suddenly developed wings, it probably helped that we were going downwind. I just had the time of my life riding the next 25-30 kms or so, kept up the speed between 15-20 k for an hour and a half and jumped all the signals on the way !! , cyclists seem to be classified under both pedestrians and motorists according to convenience it's seems:).
Chiraj gave me company for most of the way and whenever he increased his speed I would try to keep up with him but invariably fail. It was a total all-out effort and I started tiring down around the time I reached Yelahanka and then Sunil caught up with me , we had decided in the last break that the next stop would be at Columbia Asia but the fuel in our stomaches was totally empty and we stopped a couple of kilometers before , after having something to drink , finally reached the hospital which has a good cafeteria and so we spent the next hour re-fueling and enjoying the effort we had just put in.This was the point where I had to leave the group and it was time for the last Bike salute.

The ride back home from there was boring and difficult as the heat now was taking it's effect and the bunch of climbs over flyovers did not help ease things much. I just set a target of making it back by 3 and finally at aroung 2:35 I stepped into the basement I had left 34 hrs ago. Tired but satisfied and euphoric , a nice bath ,good food and a good night's sleep later I was good as ever.